I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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