so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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