Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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