did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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