can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
