Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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