Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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