I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
