I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
