My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
