well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
