i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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