I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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