Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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