i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
im on a boat
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