i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
