I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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