I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
