I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
