Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
