So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
