Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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