He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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