There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
