garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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