Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
