He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
