don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
