My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
