Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
