You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
