Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
