Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
