Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
