She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
