if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
