Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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