I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
