Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
how drunk are you?
Several
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
