I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
