I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So many bounce houses so little time
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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