Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
