Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
