i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
