I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
