she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
