did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
