I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
