It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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