So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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