I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
